I indeed have started a new round of therapy It's true and I have done so for a few reasons, chiefly among which, I was running out of meds. Alright, you caught me, only because I was running out of meds. But it is always fun to break in a new human, so I decided that taking the 'Good Will Hunting' approach would be the least entertaining of options. I opted instead to only mildly mess with the lady. I must admit however, that I did lose faith in my chosen path near the middle of the session, Dr. Ruth (I kid you, not. Her name really is Ruth and she really is a doctor and I did really giggle over that for a good 5 minutes.) but I digress... Dr. Ruth (hehe) is a very sweet elderly lady. It felt like pulling a nasty on a sweet natured and well meaning grandmother, or at least what I would imagine that would be like, I don't happen to have one of those (currently). So, as I said I lost faith in the middle and gave the woman an honest attempt at sincerity. To get to the point (I will assure, the introduction was needed.) with little time left in my session Dr. Ruth informed me that I was "perhaps the most well adjusted 26 year old I've ever met." Obviously, due to the sake of feelings and professional courtesy, I held my giggles until outside the building but while doing so, I realized she was indeed correct, I may just be the most well adjusted 26 year old I've ever met. But surely you can all understand the humor in that very statement as well...
And no worries, I'm am indeed still very well medicated. ;)
Sunday 17 April 2011
Sunday 20 March 2011
Home Sweet Prison
A slightly dramatic title, I know but it's me and subtlety has never been my strong suit. I'm home. One of the most beautiful places in the world, for many reasons but I feel nothing but trapped lately. It's suffocating. I can barely breathe. But instead of blaming my surroundings, cursing my bars, all I can do is feel less about myself. Why can't I be content with this lot? Why do I feel restless and trapped in the not-so-boring everyday humdrum I must live? I miss freedom. All I have here are commands, duties, responsibility, whispers and stares. I stick out like a sore thumb and hear the phrase 'it's time to grow-up' more than any other. Why? Can you give me one reasonable reason why anyone should 'grown-up'? There's nothing wrong with me the way I am. Right? I feel less, so much less. The greatness I was, the awesome I felt in myself feels as if it were one big delusion I lived before my home return. It felt so real. But with every passing day my greatness of before becomes less with the realizations forced by my new life. My new life, plagued by mistake after mistake and mistake. I can do nothing right. Sadly, it shall never pass for I refuse to give up but know I shall never succeed. There is little to be done.
Saturday 19 March 2011
Tuesday 15 March 2011
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