Sunday, 20 March 2011

Home Sweet Prison

A slightly dramatic title, I know but it's me and subtlety has never been my strong suit. I'm home. One of the most beautiful places in the world, for many reasons but I feel nothing but trapped lately. It's suffocating. I can barely breathe. But instead of blaming my surroundings, cursing my bars, all I can do is feel less about myself. Why can't I be content with this lot? Why do I feel restless and trapped in the not-so-boring everyday humdrum I must live? I miss freedom. All I have here are commands, duties, responsibility, whispers and stares. I stick out like a sore thumb and hear the phrase 'it's time to grow-up' more than any other. Why? Can you give me one reasonable reason why anyone should 'grown-up'? There's nothing wrong with me the way I am. Right? I feel less, so much less. The greatness I was, the awesome I felt in myself feels as if it were one big delusion I lived before my home return. It felt so real. But with every passing day my greatness of before becomes less with the realizations forced by my new life. My new life, plagued by mistake after mistake and mistake. I can do nothing right. Sadly, it shall never pass for I refuse to give up but know I shall never succeed. There is little to be done.

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