Wednesday, 9 December 2009

I used to be great...

I feel like I so 'I used to...' far too often. As if the only value I have has slowly disappeared. I used to be something. I used to be someone. As if I only live in the past. Every 'used to' I drop is true but why does it leave such a terrible taste in my mouth. A dirty feel, like my history is only worthy if it wasn't actually a history. I feel inadequate daily and I wonder if I seem that way to those who hear me say the 'used to'?

Am I worth less now that my conversation is smattered with those abilities that I used to have? Shouldn't I feel more worth because of them? Those abilities have obviously made me a better person than I would have been without them. So why can't I feel them as the achievements they used to be. Why do I feel like I'm just living in a past that doesn't want me anymore?

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